It’s that time of year again: the leaves are changing, the temperature is dropping, and an adolescent’s pressures of being back-to-school are increasing. Whether it be enduring a challenging class, navigating some friend group drama, or handling increased intensity at after-school practice, many teens experience a peak in stress around this time of year. Of course, the family system often feels this strain as well. Plus, teens in DC also feel political and social justice pressures — especially during election season. So, how do we support our teens while also staying sane ourselves? Let’s break down some of the common areas where you and your teens feel overwhelmed, and how to set your family up for success.
Social
Does your teen have friends to sit with at lunch? Are they included in after-school plans and group projects? How many likes did their instagram post get? These may feel like little things, but they are everything to your teen. Our social relationships in middle and high school help form our self-image and sense of belonging. They also impact an adolescent’s view of school as positive or negative. If your teen is struggling with developing social relationships, here are some ways you could help:
- Be present: Before jumping to problem-solving mode, it’s best just to be present and listen. We’ve all been in a situation where we felt left out; it’s a very vulnerable thing to talk about and deserves to be handled with care. Acknowledge what your adolescent is sharing simply by being there and empathizing with them. Not only does this help a teen feel more comfortable confiding in you when they are struggling, it also reinforces to them that they, in fact, are not as alone as they feel.
- Brainstorm: Only after you’ve tended to the emotional impact of social stress should we start trying to come up with solutions. Brainstorming can look like suggesting tangible things that your teen can do to try and feel more included, or highlighting places where they tend to excel (Ex: “School sounds like it’s not your favorite place right now, but I know you feel really connected to your friends from camp. Are they free to FaceTime or hang out with you this weekend?”). Working together to address social pressures may help improve their relationship to school and increase their confidence.
Academic & Extracurricular
This period of your teen’s academic life gets exponentially more rigorous year to year. On top of that, teens tend to get more involved with other activities such as sports, clubs, honors societies, and jobs. If they’re older, they may also be navigating college or trade school applications. And you, as their caregiver, often feel second-hand pressure from all of this: You are the cheerleader, the disciplinarian, and the provider all at once. The mental load for all of you tends to increase during the early weeks of the school year and it can feel hard to keep up. When you’re all juggling a million responsibilities, consider doing these things:
- Slow down: It sounds simple, but rarely in our fast-paced schedules do we actually take this time to intentionally slow down. Find a moment or two throughout the day to take some deep breaths and be still. If you’re not used to doing this on your own, a great place to start is with box breathing. This can help regulate your nervous system when you feel overwhelmed (and can be a great strategy to model for your teen to use, too).
- Self Care: Self care doesn’t need to be a face mask or bubble bath (although it could be if that’s what you find most relaxing). Instead, define this as time for just you. Working out, walking your dog, listening to your favorite music/podcast, or doing the Wordle can count as self-care. Intentionally carving out these little moments can help you feel more centered when tackling your daily to-do list, and helps you in feeling more present when interacting with your adolescent.
- Prioritize the Person over the Product: It can be easy to get wrapped up in your teen’s performance in school and hobbies. After all, you want the best for them. However, your teen’s value lies far beyond whether or not they get an A on an exam or place first in their heat at a swim meet. When checking in with them, focus on their effort rather than their outcome. Did they try their hardest? Do they need extra support? Meeting them where they are at is the first step to addressing any kind of challenge they may be facing.
- Limit news time and get active in your community: Breaking free from the 24/7 news cycle can help give a much needed respite. And getting active in your community can also provide a sense of purpose and connectedness.
Back to school season is not just for your kids; it takes the whole family working together to feel stable and successful. If you or your teen need some extra support in managing these pressures and commitments, contact me for a free consultation by emailing support@kennedycounselingcollective.com or scheduling a consult directly here. I look forward to helping your family conquer the school year!