There are many ways to approach the beginning of the New Year. Whether you make New Year’s resolutions explicitly or not, the notion of January signifying new beginnings is undeniable. However, it is widely acknowledged that the burst of initial energy and motivation can fade quickly.
You have likely experienced this, as some studies have shown that up to 94% of New Year’s resolutions have been abandoned by March. One major factor driving the high likelihood that your important goals won’t be met is the struggle to follow-through. In fact, falling back on avoidance when a goal appears too daunting is pervasive year-round. Therapists can work with clients to offer habit changing insight into how personal histories lead to avoidance, as well as the accountability and coping skills to mitigate avoidance.
A few key approaches to setting goals stand out from my time spent supporting clients in following through to meeting their goals. I’ve seen success achieved more often with those who are:
a) concrete in what they’d like to achieve,
b) have considered the most likely barriers to maintaining consistency, and
c) have a strong sense of what is motivating them.
I’ll break each of these down in more detail.
Goals need to be specific in order to be achievable.
The more specific the better. For example, on January 1st you might declare something to the effect of “I’d like to focus more on relationships and less on work this year.” A beautiful sentiment, and yet what does that actually look like in practice? If the goal is vague, it becomes harder to evaluate whether the intention has been met, which increases the likelihood the goal will be abandoned. This goal could be narrowed to “I will not work during evenings after 6pm or on weekends, and I will initiate contact with friends or family twice per week.” OK, now that we’ve gotten more specific, let’s talk about what may get in the way of this happening.
There needs to be a “cope ahead” plan for likely barriers.
Planning for inevitable set-backs may seem obvious, though let’s not underestimate how good that burst of January energy can feel. Ironically, that very energy that compels us towards new goals can also lead us to believe that we’ll continue to feel this motivated throughout the rest of the year. We’re looking for a plan with sustainability in mind, which means that it can be upheld even during times when motivation inevitably wanes.
Sure, you’re feeling positively about following through with your intentions now, though can it be upheld during times when stressful work deadlines loom, or the baby is teething and you haven’t gotten much sleep? Rather than allow ourselves to assume that the burst of January energy will continue to hold and hope for the best, let’s instead craft a plan that is sturdy enough to hold even under less ideal conditions. In the example above about rebalancing time spent on work and relationships, you may ask yourself how will you communicate your boundary at work if you experience pressure to work past your set hours on a project with a looming deadline? Lastly, perhaps most importantly of all, the “why?” of your plan needs to be kept in plain sight throughout.
What is your motivation for doing this in the first place?
Part of what makes your “why?” so integral is that keeping sight of our motivation can help buffer us against the obstacles life throws our way. In the example of wishing to work less and spend more time on relationships, you may be aware of the health risks that overworking poses. In addition, perhaps you’re feeling isolated after the rupture the Covid pandemic caused to social networks, and you wish to maintain regular, healthy friendship connections.
Upon further reflection, you may be motivated to learn from an elder in your family who focused an exorbitant amount of their time earlier in life on career without enough balance in other areas of life, and now regrets these choices. Whatever your motivation, keeping it in sight especially when setbacks occur can make all the difference between becoming one of the 94% who have abandoned their goals by March, versus the 6% who hold strong.
One on one counseling or couple’s counseling can be helpful with accountability surrounding goal setting. Most of us have avoidant tendencies around the areas of life we’d like to improve, and the accountability that counseling can offer can greatly increase the likelihood of sticking to a plan rather than giving up on it. If you’d like to speak with me about achieving your goals – whether New Year’s resolutions or not – take the specific, actionable step now of booking a free 15 minute initial consultation with me. You can also email me at danny@kennedycounselingcollective.com.
References
Robinson, Bryan (2024). 5 Steps for the 94% Who Abandon Their New Year’s Resolutions. Forbes.com